Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
