i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
