Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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