I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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