mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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