You're completely useless in the revolution.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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