ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
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