I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
In America we eat man semen.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
