Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
