his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
