at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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