Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
