Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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