So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
