I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
