I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
