Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
