Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
