Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
