I murdered the dance floor call the cops
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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