SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
