I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
