you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
