ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
