You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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