Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Randomize
