the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
