I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
