this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
