Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
