Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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