just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
