We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
