You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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