Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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