Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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