I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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