Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
