That's intense
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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