Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
