If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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