Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
