I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Randomize
