i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Text me some of your sweat
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