Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
