ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
