I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
