Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
