nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
