I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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