a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
