I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
