I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Randomize
