there's paper in my vomit.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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