i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
